Rain Dance!

Mixed feelings.

heh.

I'm having a whole lot of mixed feelings.
._.


Excited because of NDP.
Sad because I'm missing 2 training days away from the unit.
Doubtful because the Sec 3s are taking over soon.
Apprehensive to know who gets to be the OIC [and AOIC].
Sort of sad because the Sec 4s are passing out soon.
Scared because all the juniors are looking at you because you're the oldest.
Confused on what image to portray when the sec 3s take over.
Skeptical if I'm going to be a good leader/role model to others.
Excited for NPCC day.
Excited for events that might happen on POP.
Stressed to write out the proposal for POP.
Embarrassed because for some strange reason, my face feels warm when someone speaks of something.

EXTREMELY SAD because there are only a few trainings left before POP.
and I'm away for 2 trainings.

The truth is that without the seniors to look up to..
I feel insecure.
and we're the seniors that everyone looks up to now.
and if I screw up, everyone will be watching.
and that's just embarrassing.
OH GOD. I FEEL DAMN STRESSED.

Sure, I might have proved to my TO that I can be a good leader.
But I've yet to prove to myself that I can be a good leader.
And what do the CIs think of me?
What do the seniors think of me?
What do the juniors think of me?

I mean...
If you compare me with the previous OICs,
I think that there's a HUGE HUGE gap.
emphasis on the HUGE.

I need a pep talk.
I'm SOOO gonna force it out of them during POP.
:P

I shall start to build my aloof personality.
No singlish, no friendly smile, no meaningless small talk.
No socialising, no tone of worry, no more being skeptical.
No more feeling paiseh. No more feeling sorry.

Once I start being aloof, there is no looking back.

I shall transform into someone new.
That confident senior.
The one who maintains discipline.
and that standard which should never be lowered.

posted by Siti Nur Aishah @ 5:41:00 AM