Rain Dance!

rants.

AISHAH WAS AN EPIC FAILURE DURING THE SERGEANT PROMOTION TEST TODAY.

Freak! I feel so useless!
I did all sorts of horrible horrible things this week.
Allow me to elaborate.

First. I've been really really really... egoistical.
U know?
Like act pro. In a bad way.
It's probably because I'm getting all this power get to my head.
because I'm already Sec 3. Already considered a senior.
I was over-confident during the promotion test.
And I have a strong feeling that I failed it.
I've been very very egoistical. There's no doubt about that.
Someone please knock some sense in my head.

Second. I've been a real bitch lately.
I'm sorry for the language but due to the lack of suitable words,
that will have to do.
Someone in class...
actually a lot of people in class.
Are not talking to me. and try not to reply me.
I'm not a very sociable person.
and I'm irritating.
So I'm sorry.
really really sorry.

Third. Complaining too much.
Really. I'm really disappointed with myself.
because of this.
really really frustrating.
complaining too much about NPCC.
I feel like such a spoilt brat.
And I have to stop complaining right NOW.
I shall hang on. No matter how hard it is.

Fourth. Disrespecting the seniors.
I found out the person at fault was me. Not the seniors.
I've been asking too much from them.
I sort of outwardly contradict what that they want.
and I roll my eyes a lot when they say something I don't like.
I realise now that the relationship between a senior and junior
must be just that. and nothing more.
Even being friends, will be risky.
So I'll just leave it at that.

And if anyone from NPCC somehow manages to see this post (especially the seniors),
then I'd just like to say...
I'm sorry.
Sincerely sorry.

I just wanted to be equal.
but I realise now that it's impossible.

another thing is that. Mdm is showing signs of not favouring me.
Is it because I do too much and don't give others the opportunity?
Well, I'm sorry for that.
We ARE under probation after all.
From now on, I'll just try to lay low and unnoticed.

Compared to the seniors I'm nothing.
Nothing.
My leadership skills are nothing to brag about either.
Sometimes I ask myself, what the heck I've been doing for the 2 years I've been in NPCC.

Fuck! Why am I crying?

So I'll stop throwing complaints.
I'll stop this bitchy attitude.
I'll stop bragging.
I stop everything.
Even my true feelings for you.

posted by Siti Nur Aishah @ 5:07:00 AM