Of positions and events.
Right..
I tried using livejournal for the past few days.
and I don't like it.
Seriously.
Heh.
Ok let me blog about stuff that I mentioned in livejournal but not here...
Teacher Officers posted me to the Overall-in-charge.
WAHHHH.
I feel honoured.
_____________________________
Lots of events going on during june hols.
and holiday homework X_X
I think I should start tomorrow.
Cultural Fiesta Night clashes with SYF preview.
OMG.
LIKE... WHAT?????
TT_TT
_____________________________
OH! OH! and another thing!
My TO suggested we have informal trainings with the sec 4s.
She suggested that we role play.
The sec 3s become Cadet Leaders.
The sec 4s become Cadets.
AHAHAHAAHAHAHA
NO WAY NO WAY.
I cannot imagine the sec 4s role playing as cadets.
but I CAN imagine myself trying hard to control my laughter if that happens.
I want a mentor!!!!
You know?
Sec 4s make us their apprentices.
That would be cool!
RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT?
anyway..
I need to somehow convince all the sec 3s to come for informal training.
I need to somehow convince all the sec 4s to come for informal training.
I need to somehow find a suitable date where both parties can attend the training.
I gotta get used to this post.
And I need to increase my proficiencies in NPCC.
haha. gotta get used to people saying: "OIC seyy!"
GAH.
Your new OIC is shyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Embarrassment.
GAHHH.
I had weapon training today...
not bad arh...
I simply love the way I do the Immediate Action Drill (IA).
SUPER COOL LA!
AND FAST!
YEAHHHH!
haha..
Something happened in school today.
It was rather sudden and unexpected.
But that was what made it (Y)
________________________________________________
Can we delay POP until July...
I have no mood to do the proposal.
and I need to focus on my holiday homework (XD)
and SYF trainings!
Fatigued.
GAH.
there was training yesterday.
and I wasn't online when I got home.
Why?
TIRED LA.
In the morning there was the NPCC day celebration
Woke up super early.
ate small breakfast at home.
and took some crackers to eat on the way to school
Breakfast on the go!
I was wearing my new set of uniform.
That was something I regret doing.
I think I took a size too big for my blouse.
and a size too big for the beret.
its like..
when I move my head to look at the ground...
it can fall off...
BUT WHAT TO DO???
MY OLD BERET IS ALREADY DISCOLOURED.
GAHHHH. I hope that they will shrink.
:D
ok...
Sodoku inter-unit competition.
yeah I wasnt there again :(
SYF TRAINING!!!
I think, that god-willing, I will get to participate in the parade.
:D
Yesterday's training was really...
tiring.
but maybe waking up early in the morning had something to do with the fatigue.
_____________________________________
I gotta keep telling myself...
Actually, I don't know what to think anymore.
So let's just wait for this feeling to go away.
:/
Let's liven the mood by a little.
Still sad about what happened in school today.
but never mind.
I'm here again to talk about the leadership training. The one where only selected people were chosen to go.
Guess what?
This course demoralized me.
Ok we did a personality quiz.
And I got type C/S.
I don't know how to say this..
But the instructor was being biased when explaining the personality types.
It was like:
Type D are BORN LEADERS.
Type I are INFLUENTIAL.
Type S are shy.
Type C are careful.
I mean. Why must all the cheem words go to type D and I?
And what is the deal with D being born leaders?
Maybe my judgement is biased too..
Maybe I'm just jealous that I got a C instead of a D.
Maybe I'm just disturbed by the fact that I'm going to handle a high-responsibility post
and I have a C type personality.
Whose greatest fear is critisim.
Maybe I'm just jealous that someone else has a D type personality.
Throughout the whole course, he was praising D type personalities.
I want to be determined.
I want to be dominant.
I want the qualities of a D-type personality.
and yet I was told to stick with your personality type.
In any case.
The personality quiz certainly did not define my personality.
My personality can never be deciphered.
Only I can do that.
Because I know myself the best.
Yeah, maybe my greatest fear IS critisism.
and sure, I have a C type personality.
but that doesn't mean that I don't possess the qualities of a D-type personality.
I may not be born a leader.
but doesn't mean I'm not a leader either.
The personality test was just a luxury, not a neccessity.
Thank you for the honour for me to attend the course.
but I can manage fine without it.
It's all a journey of self-discovery.
Realisation
My mood has been changing frequently during these few days.
Maybe I'm just bothered by what people think of me.
I've really got to stop being irritating.
Stop annoying others.
Stop complicating others.
Stop making other people mad at you for no reason.
Stop being so moody.
My personality type: C/S
ME?
Competent?
Creative?
Calculative?
HAH! That's a joke!
Maybe I should just give up.
You know?
So I won't disappoint myself or anyone else.
But all that talk about motivation.
About being a good leader?
I don't want that to go to waste either.
Then just mask it.
Beneath that cool, confident exterior
is a personality that's shrinking...
It's dying..
But what can I do?
I just have to bear those feelings
Kept tightly under wraps.
Cuz if I let them out, I will explode.
Beneath that cold, unfriendly, aloof exterior
is the real me.
And no one will manage to get through to me.
Not ever.
It's like being guarded by multiple barriers.
And all those barriers are activated by fear.
Mask those fears
those feelings
those emotions that you've kept for so long.
I might crack but I will never break.
Leadership training.
OMG.
I have ulcers.
In my mouth.
2 of them...
Irritating to the max.
ARGH!
Leadership training again today...
(Y)
It's COOL.
The last to Cs were AWESOME!
Character
Connection
Competence
Commitment
COOL SEH.
HAHAHAHA.
Selected people are going for tomorrow's course.
I have mixed feelings for it.
But yeah. I feel inspired! :D
And I must say... I'm extremely proud of myself for controlling my emotions today.
TEEHEE.
I see an improvement.
From being embarrassed and shy,
I've leveled up to being able to control my facial expressions and emotions at a particular scenario today.
HELL YEAH!
Clashes.
I don't know what I'm feeling now...
Is it disappointment?
June holidays.
A lot of clashes.
I dunno what to say anymore...
Let's just hope for the best.
:)
Weekends deserve longer posts (:
I tell you.
I'm a failure when it comes to socialising.
#)(@$!#($@
I feel PAISEH la.
It's super AWKWARD can?
So I don't talk to people unless there is a dire need to so.
when I say "people" I mean like strangers and those who I don't speak to often.
and especially with those who are younger than me.
I CANNOT DO IT.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I shall train on socialising with my juniors but not so much
up till the point that they think I'm an easy-going senior.
Little kids are driving me up the wall.
and they make me feel guilty.
but ARGH I can't blame them...
cuz their kids.
small kids.
Embarrassment is not a nice feeling.
I mean when you'r friends disiao u and stuff like that..
that's not so bad.
I think since because everyone has high expectations of me...
When I do something wrong,
I feel guilty to the max.
Right, I shall do something beneficial now...
like plan my hols with wonderful events.
but I don't have the schedule for SYF trgs!!!
DO YOU KNOW HOW CONFINED I FEEL???
From now on, I shall bring my planner everywhere I go.
Upcoming events soon:
NPCC day
Sodoku Inter-unit challenge
0.22 revolver shoot prelims round
I will be missing the sodoku part.
but the TO put me as the AOIC for the event.
haha.
Now I dunno what to say.
I really need to stop feeling paranoid.
Cuz I think.... ARGH.
I just don't like to be feel left out.
and I hope if anyone is not happy with me..
we can settle it in a peaceful manner.
I'm younger than most my squadmates and friends.
SO PLEASE LEND ME YOUR GUIDANCE.
Friends: I have very few close friends. So yeah if I'm annoying you please tell me... :)
Squadmates: I know we have some fights because all of us have ambitions. but I want you to know that I will put your ideas into serious consideration before deciding on anything. :)
Seniors: er... on your own account if you want to give me advice on how I can improve my leadership style, I don't mind.
CIs: I need help from these ppl too! I've yet to exercise my leadership skills after so long. I hope that under your supervision, I will become a better person.
TOs: Yeah. They have high expectations of me. I will do my best not to disappoint.
Juniors: I believe that I have some things to learn from this grp of people too! Constructive critism is encouraged too!
heh. Okay I write a lot without knowing...
That's what you can expect when I'm bored...
GAH I need something to do.
Oh yeah. I need to plan my hols.
I bet holiday homework is gonna start pouring in this weekend.
Homework on top of courses on top of SYF trainings.
ARGH.
NDP / SYF
OMG. AFTER SO LONG. NDP TRAINING.
): saddened that it's not with my unit.
Went to HTA for NDP training.
TO already sent my name as reserve because of some special reasons.
I tell you these reasons are really really... WOOOO! (Y) (Y) (Y)
Haha. :) Let's just say that these reasons made me kinda happy and relieved.
ok as I was saying, NDP trg at HTA today.
and then the HQ staff suddenly said that a part of us cannot go for NDP.
not even as reserve.
from 150ppl to 100ppl.
SIGH... Even though I already know that I am a reserve.
I was still hoping that I could participate NDP as a reserve.
DAMN DAMN DAMN.
but it's okay. I have good news too!
I changed from NDP reserve to SYF Guard of Honour Girls' Contigent!
GOH !!! GUARD OF HONOUR !!!!!
AND IT'S NO. 1 UNIFORM!!!
LIKE OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.
But I think the standard of our drills is really...
=_____________________=
I dunno why but I feel inferior when marching at HTA.
but it's kinda boring to be in an all girls contigent.
There are no cheeky guys to create trouble and start a convo...
haha but its ok.
get to wear No. 1 uniform! (Y)
YEAH. another thing to add to my to-do list.
observe how the CIs teach us at HTA.
then can apply the skills at KSS.
HELL YEAH!
To-dos
I don't want to do this anymore.
Seriously whatever.
I shall just carry on with my life.
I'm going to try some new stuff.
1) Be more sensitive/considerate about other people's feelings.
2) Find my own leadership style.
3) Boycott the idea of being UNREASONABLY mean
June hols are packed packed packed!
and my weekeend is reduced to only 1 day.
OH, THE AGONY.
I feel hungry... hmm.. I shall find something to eat.
:)
Mixed feelings.
heh.
I'm having a whole lot of mixed feelings.
._.
Excited because of NDP.
Sad because I'm missing 2 training days away from the unit.
Doubtful because the Sec 3s are taking over soon.
Apprehensive to know who gets to be the OIC [and AOIC].
Sort of sad because the Sec 4s are passing out soon.
Scared because all the juniors are looking at you because you're the oldest.
Confused on what image to portray when the sec 3s take over.
Skeptical if I'm going to be a good leader/role model to others.
Excited for NPCC day.
Excited for events that might happen on POP.
Stressed to write out the proposal for POP.
Embarrassed because for some strange reason, my face feels warm when someone speaks of something.
EXTREMELY SAD because there are only a few trainings left before POP.and I'm away for 2 trainings.The truth is that without the seniors to look up to..
I feel insecure.
and we're the seniors that everyone looks up to now.
and if I screw up, everyone will be watching.
and that's just embarrassing.
OH GOD. I FEEL DAMN STRESSED.
Sure, I might have proved to my TO that I can be a good leader.
But I've yet to prove to myself that I can be a good leader.
And what do the CIs think of me?
What do the seniors think of me?
What do the juniors think of me?
I mean...
If you compare me with the previous OICs,
I think that there's a HUGE HUGE gap.
emphasis on the HUGE.
I need a pep talk.
I'm SOOO gonna force it out of them during POP.
:P
I shall start to build my aloof personality.
No singlish, no friendly smile, no meaningless small talk.
No socialising, no tone of worry, no more being skeptical.
No more feeling paiseh. No more feeling sorry.
Once I start being aloof, there is no looking back.
I shall transform into someone new.
That confident senior.
The one who maintains discipline.
and that standard which should never be lowered.
The chosen one.
AHHHH. hahaha.
I feel so HONOURED.
HAHAHAHAHA.
I was chosen to go for NDP.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
hahaha.
Happy lurh!
:DDD
Can I have the fun pack please?
LOL.
NAH JUST KIDDING.
OK. I'm feeling kinda high.
Because exams are over.
and my TO has high regards for me
and chose me to go for NDP.
I have to be at my best.
Because out of the 3 people who are going,
1 of us is probably gonna be reserve.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
But all the best to everyone.
:DDDDD
What???
I shall not talk much about exams.
Cuz there's so little things to talk about.
Last paper is tomorrow.
(Y)(Y)(Y)
I just HAVE to blog about this.
I need to get this out.
so that I won't have throbbing headaches.
AHHHH.
This morning, while walking to school,
My Teacher Officer caught up with me.
and she suddenly asked me...
"Are you keen on becoming OIC?"
I was speechless at that time.
My actions, and thinking processes were lagging at that time.
and I could have sworn that my face was red at that time.
I couldn't really remember what I replied to her.
So haha. I'll write what I think and feel about me becoming OIC.
Actually, I'm not very confident of being the OIC of the unit.
x_x
I've got weaknesses in some fields of NPCC.
My drills are ok...
My campcraft is ok...
My physical fitness is unacceptable.
OICs are supposed to be PERFECT role models, you know?
Emphasis on the "perfect"
And because I'm lacking at that area,
Its the equivalent of a cat with half a tail.
but I'm not totally rejecting that idea.
I mean..
Come on, it's Overall-in-Charge!
To get that post would be an honour!
So she said that she would discuss it with Ms Foo.
and so all I have to do now is trust their judgement and respect their decision.
HAHA! My head has stopped throbbing...
well almost...
:D
